You Mad, Bum?

Posted on Jul 4 2016 - 10:26am by Nick Piccione


Guys I can’t do another John Farrell rant. I just can’t.

I’m so sick and tired of it. I don’t have the energy to write another article about it. If you really want to know how I feel read last month’s tirade. If you really want me to write something about Farrell, wait until he gets fired in two weeks, then I’ll have something new to say about him. But June just has me so down on the Sox right now don’t even want to talk about them (also if I have to hear the term “June Swoon” one more time, I’m going to find the nearest wall and use my forehead as a stud finder).

The Red Sox are making me too sad to get mad. And considering being angry is what I get paid to do here (lol jokes) that means I need to find something else to write about. All I need is an idea. Just a simple sentence will do. How about… “F*ck Madison Bumgarner“? Yeah I like the sound of that.

Why “F*ck Madison Bumgarner” you ask? Well in case you were unaware, The Giants were in Oakland on Thursday, and instead of using a DH (you know, like a normal person would), Bruce Bochy decided to let  Bumgarner hit during his start. And despite the fact that he went 1-4 and scored a run, this was a stupid, stoopit, stewped decision.

Really dude? Why are you doing this? I see no reason to put yourself out there like this. What, you want to up your Twitter mentions or something? Ooh look a pitcher choosing to hit against some scrub making his second career start, he’s so cool. I bet if you had someone like Yordano Ventura trying to earhole you with a 100 MPH screamer you wouldn’t be so eager to put on your helmet.

Seriously what was the point of this? There was literally a 0.0% chance of this being a net positive. The best case scenario was that nothing would happen (which is what happened). But worst case? Christ, this could’ve been catastrophic.

Ok first of all, what’s an American League pitcher gonna think when some NL hotshot comes into his stadium and disses him thinking he can do better than a DH? I don’t know, if it were me, my first though would be that your gonna get f*cking buzzed bitch. No for real, you think your hot sh!t? You think you can get a hit off me? Well I’m gonna get a hit off you! And by that I mean I’m gonna get a four-seamer to hit off your ribs.

But I’m a psycho and I wish it was still 1999 when that sh!t was kosher. However, there is a real, legitimate risk in letting your pitcher bat. Adam Wainwright popped his Achilles and missed a full season. Batting ended Randy Johnson’s career. It ruined Chien-Ming Wang’sJosh Beckett, Clay Buchholz, Max Scherzer, you name it. Pitchers get injured when they hit. Fact not opinion. And to put yourself at the plate unnecessarily as the ace of your staff is a disservice to yourself AND your team.

Now don’t try and compare me to old curmudgeonly baseball guys who hate new things. I LOVE the idea of MadBum being in the Home Run Derby. I think it’s hilarious. But that’s because the Derby doesn’t mean sh!t. We get it Madison. You like to hit #Pitcherswhorake or whatever asinine hashtag MLB Twitter is peddling nowadays. But you’re not the best person to DH and help your team win. For Christ’s sake you didn’t even have the best average among pitchers on your team coming into the game (shout out to Jake Peavy).

I’m not saying it’s the worst thing to be a pitcher who enjoys hitting. I’m just saying the last pitcher to be lauded for his hitting ability was Dontrelle Willis, and we don’t even know what Hardy’s he’s working at right now. So just let your hitters do the designated hitting, and try to have fun in the Home Run Derby before you tear your Rotator Cuff and ruin your team’s chances this year.

At the end of the day, nothing significant came of this circus sideshow of a non-story. But seeing as the only “significant” things that could have happened would have probably rendered San Fran’s season a loss, I think both Bruce Bochy and Madison Bumgarner deserve their fair share of criticism.