BREAKING NEWS: The Boston Red Sox came out last night and lost their game against the Toronto Blue Jays in an implosion so spectacularly awful that it would make the death of the King Dome look mundane.
In related news, the sky is blue, hell is hot, and Pablo Sandoval is fat. Up 8-1 going into the seventh inning , the Red Sox voided their bowels all over the place, gave up nine runs in the inning, and lost the game 13-10. And honestly, I’m not mad about it, I’m just disappointed.
I’m disappointed that at this point in the season, the Red Sox have beaten me down so much that I don’t even have the energy to fly off the handle like I did last week. I feel defeated. I haven’t hated a Red Sox team this much since the year 199never. And that includes the Bobby Valentine season. Yeah, you heard me, this is my least favorite Red Sox team ever.
Seriously, f*ck this team, it’s a goddamn madhouse and the lunatics are running the asylum. John Farrell has no control over this clubhouse. Wade Miley is screaming at him. Hanley Ramirez is dogging it every chance he gets. About 80% of this team has just flat out quit. I hope Ben Cherington still has Magic Johnson’s phone number because we have about 19 crap players I think he’d like to take.
Is this what being a Red Sox fan is really like? I’m not ashamed to admit that I was born with a silver bat in my mouth as far as Red Sox fandom goes. I’ve seen as many World Series victories in 20 years as my parents have in 50. But barring 2013 the last 6 1/2 years have been awful. For sh*t’s sake I feel like a goddamn Mets fan. Is this what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life? Mediocre season after mediocre season?
The culture of this team is changing. The days of winning are giving way to a culture of apathy and indifference. Let’s face it, after 2011 the Sox have made the playoffs, and miraculously won the World Series just once. Now a title in four years isn’t half bad, but given that 2013 was their lone winning season and they’re on pace for their worst yet I’m getting pretty pissed.
Honestly, at this point I think there is only one solution: total overhaul. Fire Farrell. Fire Cherington. Trade the pitchers. Trade the fielders. Maybe even burn Fenway itself to the ground because I want a full reset at Fenway Park since I and the rest of New England are through watching my team poop its pants every damn day.
That’s all for today, short and sad one this week. But it’s hard to get up for this team right now. Hopefully the Red Sox play improves soon, otherwise it’s going to be a long sad summer.