Pablo to get season-ending surgery

Posted on May 3 2016 - 7:30am by Tyler Scionti


In 2014 Pablo Sandoval signed a five-year deal with the Boston Red Sox and then did absolutely everything he could to f*ck it all up.

He sucked throughout 2015. Showed up out of shape in 2016. And injured himself on the job as it’s evident that his body cannot support his mammoth weight; just by fielding a grounder and throwing to first the rotund a$$wipe pt himself on the shelf and will need season-ending surgery on his shoulder.

Even after all of this though, no one has a clue what is wrong with Pablo’s shoulder, just that it’s inflamed (or covered by a thick layer of blubber) and the only way to find out is to carve him up like an Easter ham.

“We will have a more definitive explanation after the surgery,” Red Sox president of baseball operations Dave Dombrowski said.

Give me a f*cking break.

The Sox will be paying $17.6M this season to have an extremely expensive and useless paperweight. Sandoval, thanks to the injury, will not play ball this season and thus cannot be traded. The only saving grace of him actually playing was to showcase him for a trade, but that won’t happen. Instead we’ve got a big fat ball and chain that no one would ever want, and frankly I don’t blame them.

It’s beyond jokes and poking fun, now I honest to God hate this man. He’s a waste of money, space, and resources and he doesn’t give a single crap. Instead him and his yes-men blame the trainers and the organization for his failures when the fat f*ck can’t control himself at the dinner table.

MEMO TO PABLO: It’s not hard to avoid being this obese. Seriously all you need to do is take a walk, or choke down a salad but instead you look like you spent the whole offseason at the nearest all you can eat buffet and used your treadmill as a coatrack.

Honestly, I’m glad he’s done for the year though because just writing about him makes me physically ill.

Thank God for Travis Shaw and good luck to Sandoval getting any playing time next season.