So I turned to NESN on Tuesday night to catch the first game of the Sox vs. O’s series. And to my surprise I was greeted with this sick-nasty swagnificent new graphic layout.
This is a HUGE step in improving NESN’s Red Sox broadcast. For too long we’ve been forced to look at that same old tired color scheme. I mean if you asked the average fan what the biggest issue with the NESN coverage was, they would immediately say it was the color of the graphics before you could even finish your clearly rhetorical question. But fortunately, after years of this being by far the number one problem at NESN, and after thousands of handwritten letters begging for change were sent by me, and people like me, to NESN headquarters, a wrong has finally been righted. The dark days are over and we can finally go back to enjoying the NESN broadcast…
GIVE ME A F*CKING BREAK
Congratulations NESN, you made it f*cking blue. Here’s your Emmy. Oh wait that’s my middle finger, maybe it’s in my other pocket. Nope, that’s my other middle finger. Well, sh!t I guess we misplaced your award. Goddammit.
You think that redesigning what was basically the only properly functioning part of your coverage will distract us from the fact that your broadcast quality has been crashing like the Hindenburg? Well you might have enthralled some of these f*cking magpies, but you can’t fool me.
Even before Don Orsillo was fired, NESN’s telecast was starting to decay. They couldn’t keep sideline girls from rounding third and heading home so they had to hire the Vanilla from Manila Gary Striewski to keep the baseball bats in the dugout (wink wink nudge nudge). Jerry Remy started missing time for a myriad of reasons. And by the end of 2015, the NESN telecast was basically just a festering head wound held together by Orsillo brand bandages. And once they ripped the band-aid off, everything started going tits up.
Look, was Dave O’Brien good on the radio? Yes. But to this point he just hasn’t been as good on TV, and has failed to fill Don’s shoes. And god knows the change has done nothing good for Remy. Remdog’s brain has already been sufficiently noodled over the past few years, and taking away the one constant he always had in the booth has f*cking stir fried him.
And with Remy’s attendance (both physical and mental) spotty at best, we’ve been put through a color commentator revolving door of suck this season. Dennis Eckersley is fine if he’s talking about pitching, but any other aspect of the game and he’s absolute dog food. And between him, the ghost of Jerry Remy, and psycho f*cking Steve Lyons it’s just a Class A dumpster fire in the booth right now. People hate it. Don’t believe me? See for yourself:
I'm about to mute the NESN broadcast. Steve Lyons makes Tim McCarver sound eloquent. Get this psycho off my airwaves.
— Nick Piccione (@N_Piccione94) June 11, 2016
The Twitterverse is full of comments like this (Although none are quite as perfect as this one), and it’s indicative of how much people (not just this eloquent handsome young fellow) have soured on the once great broadcast. I watched every game of that series in Minnesota, and do you want to know which game I enjoyed the most? The loss. Because I watched it in a f*cking Elks Lodge at a party with the sound off so I couldn’t here Steve Lyons live up to his nickname.
I’m gonna go on an epic Uncharted style quest to find the world’s last in business Radio Shack so I can purchase the last remaining radio, because I would rather mute my television and listen to Tim Neverett try, through all the static AM radio has to offer, than continue on the way I am now.
But hey, at least the banner is f*cking blue now right?