New Years resolutions the Sox should keep

Posted on Jan 1 2016 - 11:28am by Tyler Scionti

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I hate New Years resolutions, mainly because I don’t need to wait till the New Year to change my life, I’ll change it whenever I want. That and mainly because the next two weeks my gym will be absolutely PACKED which takes away the only “me-time” that I get.

That said, I’m doing something heinous and writing out resolutions that the Boston Red Sox should make this season. If they want to win the World Series, or even finish above last place, they need to make some changes so here they are.

  1. Dustin Pedroia’s resolution is to not play so recklessly that he hurts himself mid-season. We love your attitude Pedey, but diving head first to beat out an infield single in the first week and breaking every bone in your body as a result isn’t cool, it isn’t “dirt dawg”, it’s stupid.
  2. Clay Buchholz’s resolution is to pitch so well in the first half that we can trade him before he gets hurt.
  3. David Price’s resolution is to live up to his contract by giving an a$$ whooping to the Yankees, Rays, Jays, and Orioles.
  4. Hanley Ramirez’s resolution is to be adequate at first base. Anything more is pushing it.
  5. Pablo Sandoval’s resolution is…. to lose weight.
  6. David Ortiz’s resolution is to not make us regret having a retirement tour.
  7. Rusney Castillo’s  resolution is to learn how to play baseball.
  8. John Henry’s resolution is to not hug anyone and stay as far away from any camera as possible.

And last but not least, my resolution is to not fall into a crippling depression if (when?) the season spirals out of control.

Enjoy the new year folks, believe it or not Spring Training is right around the corner and I can hardly wait!

 
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