After the Blue Jays lost last night, the Kansas City Royals were awarded the 2015 AL Pennant, as well as their second straight trip to the World Series, this time to face the New York Mets. With the majority of us here being Red Sox fans, we really don’t have a dog in this fight, so a lot of you may be rooting for the Royals on Tuesday night. However, I’m here to tell you that you should 110% be jumping on the New York Mets bandwagon and actually root for the Metropolitans to win their first World Series since 1986 (vomits uncontrollably at the mere thought).
Now I know that a lot of you are probably thinking that way right now: You can’t possibly root for the Mets after what happened in 1986! For a lot of you, that is a traumatic memory that will never leave you. And besides, it’s still New York. I mean, like, f*ck New York, am I right? Of course I’m right. But that’s exactly why you should be rooting for them.
Before all you village people grab your gardening tools, at least hear me out. For over a century now, New York baseball has been dominated by one thing with very few exceptions, and that thing is the New York Yankees.
Now, I don’t know about you guys, but I f*cking hate the Yankees. I don’t care if the rivalry has lost it’s luster and the teams don’t despise each other anymore, I still got plenty of hate in my heart. And I know nothing – and I mean nothing – would make the Yankees and their fans more miserable than watching their dysfunctional, nose-picking, booger-eating little brother from Queens win it all right in front of all of their smug faces.
Now I am of course talking about real Yankee fans here. You’re never going to get to that front-runner fan. You know the one. The Yankees, Seahawks, Cavaliers, Ohio State football, Kentucky basketball fan? They probably already have a David Wright jersey coming in the mail (looking at you E Smith). But those true Yankee fans? The ones who sit in the bleachers and scream and yell and throw batteries at players? Devastation. Everyone in Section 203 will be on suicide watch if the Mets pull this one out. And with starters like Jacob deGrom, Noah Syndergaard, and Matt Harvey, I see no reason why they couldn’t win the whole f*cking thing, and make those Bronx bums cry sweet sweet tears.
So, from here on out Red Sox Nation, it’s #LGM all damn day. Look for the Mets hats in those Seinfeld episodes every afternoon on TBS. Buy a foam Thor hammer. Break out that orange shirt your aunt gave you that one time that you haven’t worn in years. Try to remember how to spell schadanfreud when you feel the joy it brings you as Jeurys Familia strikes out that last batter and all of Queens rises in unison in superiority over the Bronx (it’s “schadenfreude” btw). It’s time for us to Meet the Mets. Let’s just hope they can meet the challenge.