Kelly’s dumpster fire sinks Sox despite solid offense, lose 13-9

Posted on Jun 2 2016 - 6:49am by Tyler Scionti

Jun 1, 2016; Baltimore, MD, USA; Boston Red Sox starting pitcher Joe Kelly (56) pitches during the first inning against the Baltimore Orioles at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. Mandatory Credit: Tommy Gilligan-USA TODAY Sports

Man what a sht show of a game. Mookie Betts stole the show as he cranked two homers, yet again, while the Sox mashed five in total–and they still lost. How, you ask. Well it’s simple, Joe Kelly was lit up for seven runs in 2.1 innings of work and the bullpen angrily pissed the game away as the Sox coughed up every lead they built in an act of self-defeat and implosion so catastrophic it’s a wonder that they even finished a game. I’ll just say this: The Sox got the sht end of the deal and that’s putting it lightly, we gave up Lackey and in return got a first base/outfielder reject who can’t play at the MLB level any more, and a far-sighted pitcher who is an embarrassment to the MLB. Not like our pen did any better as Tommy Layne tacked on a run (why is he still here?), Clay Buchholz served up four (three earned), and just for sh*ts and giggles Matt Barnes allowed one more.

What a joke of a pitching staff.

Bright Spots

  • Holy home runs Batman, the Sox cranked five in the game as Mookie launched two, Chris Young smacked a pair as well, and David Ortiz hit a solo shot–his 15th of the season.
  • Xander Bogaerts extended his hit-streak to 25 games with a single while making a couple outstanding defensive plays, one a diving stop to his left and the other a running catch in foul ground.
  • Dustin Pedroia went 3-5 in the game, but also made an error that cost the Sox a double play so I’m not sure how I feel about him.


  • Words cannot express how much I hate that skinny neckbearded goon who parades himself as a pitcher. Joe Kelly just may be one of the worst things to happen to the Sox rotation since Brad Penny, his DFA is well deserved.
  • Not like our pen did any better, if we could have shut the O’s down we’d win the damn game.
  • Memo to Buch: This is why you were taken out of the rotation, because you suck.

Starting Pitcher Rewind

Sheesh do I have to?

Kelly lasted just 2.1 innings as he was slapped around and pummeled by the O’s. He was tagged for seven runs on seven hits while walking three and striking out just one as he most definitely was not fooling a single Oriole (well except the sad sack who struck out). He took a beating like an obese man’s heart at a BBQ festival and is bumped from the rotation for it. Thank God.


Going Forward

The Sox have a chance to win the series today so let’s hope they can pull it off!