Cleveland Rock bottoms: C-Town weather spoils Opening Day

Posted on Apr 10 2016 - 3:35pm by Nick Piccione
Boston Red Sox starting pitcher David Price delivers in the first inning of a baseball game against the Cleveland Indians, Tuesday, April 5, 2016, in Cleveland. (AP Photo/Tony Dejak)

Boston Red Sox starting pitcher David Price delivers in the first inning of a baseball game against the Cleveland Indians, Tuesday, April 5, 2016, in Cleveland. (AP Photo/Tony Dejak)

As you probably know by now the Red Sox just lost the last game of their series against Toronto by a score of 3-0 to finish off their second series of the season and start off the year with a respectable 3-2 record. Now if you know anything about baseball you might be asking yourself how a team could finish the first two series of the year with only five games played. How does that work? Well son, when a mommy MLB scheduler and a daddy MLB scheduler love each other very much they decide to say “F*ck your Opening Day have fun in Cleveland”.

Seriously what was the scheduling team smoking? Cleveland? For real, CLEVELAND? It’s the least relevant city in professional sports not named San Diego. The last time Cleveland won a professional sports championship, Robert Downey Jr. was literally a fetus. The city is so foul and polluted it makes the entire state of New Jersey look like the lost city of Atlantis. It’s so bad that the only good thing about it is that it’s not Detroit. Literally that’s the tag line in the hastily made Cleveland tourism videos.

That’s the type of city we’re dealing with here. At least when Providence sets their river on fire they do it on purpose. But yeah, other than that it’s the perfect place to start the baseball season.

Look, am I overreacting? Maybe, yeah I’m a little salty. And it’s not just that we had to open our season in a place that looks more like Cold War era Ukrainian sadness incarnate than a modern American city. I’m more upset that we had not one, but TWO rained out games to open up the season. There should never be rain outs on Opening Day, let alone “cold outs”. And I’m not saying that we should have opened up at home… even though the Sox have opened up 18 of the last 21 seasons on the road… but seriously between Toronto and that one time in Japan they’ve played Opening Day out of the country almost as many times as they played in Boston, isn’t that f*cked up? But truthfully, I’m mostly upset because it’s so goddamn easy to avoid this.

Arizona, Houston, Miami, Milwaukee, Seattle, Tampa, and Toronto all have roofs in their ballparks. There are four teams in California, one more team in Texas, one in Georgia, and two in Missouri. Boom. There are your 15 home teams for Opening Day. It was that f*cking simple.

Why have the Yankees and Astros get rained out in New York when you could have played in Houston? Why have Toronto and Tampa open against each other and leave a domed stadium empty? Why have San Diego and Los Angeles play each other for the same reason?

Seriously guys, am I trapped in some bizarro world right now? Up is down, left is right, 30 degrees and snowing is preferable to playing inside. I mean it, this is really dumb. Like really really reeeeeeeeally dumb. The MLB scheduling team is a few IQ points short of deficient. A 21 year old fool from Boston just did your entire job for free in five minutes. I hope for your sake you keep your desks clean and an empty box handy because next time Rob Manfred is looking to cut costs in the MLB office, I think I know where he might go first.

 
0 comments